Saturday, December 06, 2008

Directions

Several weeks ago, I experienced my first real life crisis, the thought of wanting to take my own life, and the inability to rationalize any reason not to.  Since then, as I've been going through treatment, I've been thinking about my life.  What directions do I want to go in, or what directions do I have the ability to go in.  Right now, I feel like I'm going in circles.  A few weeks ago I wrote about being on a roller coaster that wasn't fun anymore, I didn't really leave any explanation to the post, but my emotions are going up and down and sideways all the time, without any real rhyme or reason. 

I have so many passions, so many deep feelings for the people of this world and for the environment.  At the same time, I have so much going on in my own life.  I have to get myself on a more straight road, before I can help others.  I can't be much help to people when I don't know if I will be able to get out of bed from one day to another.  And this frustrates me.

Right now this blog seems to be the only connection I have with the world.  The only way to get the word out about what I see as important, what I see as needing to be done.  Yet sometimes I don't think that people are listening.  I began this blog because I felt I had something to say.  This is how my first blog post reads: 
Here I am, starting yet another blog. It's not because I'm trying to be cool or popular, but because I really have things to say. I do some writing over on Myspace, but it's really not cutting it for me. I spend too much time learning about people's private lives and not saying what I have to say, which is sometimes important. Also I wasn't spending enough time outside...I wasn't enjoy nature, God's creation. Now I am trying to spend much less time on the computer and much more time among the trees.
I am here to post my opinions and tell the world what I have to say. Please comment if you have something to add to the discussion, even if it's disagree with what I have to say. Nothing will never get resolved if there is no dialogue.

Now as I'm stuck with the directions of my life, I am also stuck with the directions of this blog.  I didn't think it was possible but over the last two years, I have found more things that I need to tell people about.  I began with the church, with spirituality, religion, and the environment.  I added bits in pieces of my daily life, hoping to show my beliefs in how I live.  Then came the GREAT PNEUMONIA INCIDENT, this kept me from blogging for several months, due to the fact that I could barely breath, or get out of bed.

Then with the diagnosis of many chronic illnesses, I turned the attention to this blog to advocating for awareness and understanding.  I saw this as an important aspect of my life,  but it did not have much of a place in a blog about Christianity and the Environment.  Also, with my recent crisis, I've become more involved in mental health awareness, and have been interested in keeping everyone I care about informed of my daily struggles.  Which this blog has also been ideal in serving in that purpose.

So here I am, expanding my horizons in the blogging world.  But I'm stuck, feeling like Dorothy on the Yellow Brick Road, and the Scarecrow is telling me which way to go.  Do I keep just one blog, and hope that the range of things I write about keep people interested enough to come back.  Or do I begin again with another blog separating the original Living in the MidWest about my life, Christianity, and the Environment, starting a new blog about chronic physical and mental illness, and my struggle with those.  Would I be able to keep up, would people read both, or would I just be stuck with two blogs, and no readers?

I've been going over this for some time now.  In reality I am fulfilling what my initial intention of this blog was, writing because I felt I had something important to say.  The scope of those important things have just been broadened since September of 2006.  

Please advise on this subject, because I've come to a cross roads and the scarecrow is not cutting it.

14 comments:

Jules said...

hey, there, blog-friend...
here's what I think about your blogging dilemma. All of those things you talk about are a part of who you are, and people read your blog because they want to know what you're up to, thinking about, experiencing. It seems like having separate blogs would be an enormous drain of energy, while you might find it helpful to keep all of your thoughts in one space - what i mean is, even on the days you're feeling awful and blogging about your pain, you know the next day might be something inspired and inspiring about the mental health advocacy stuff you're interested in or about environment. The scarecrow might have something to say after all. I just see you and all the stuff that you're interested in and dealing with as an integrated whole, and it might be good to treat it that way when you write. No need to cut yourself up into little parts and pieces when it's all Chrissy and that's what we all want to hear about, anyhow.
Just some thoughts for you - love ya, kiddo.
j

Chrissy Joy said...

Thanks Jules, good words.

Ry Ry said...

I was thinking the same as Jules... just less eloquently.

Dawn said...

Hi Chrissy! This is the first that I've visited your blog (via Jules), and it is great to "visit" this way! It was just a year ago that we were preparing to leave for India... wow. I've got to admit that I'm inspired/alarmed to glimpse a little of the struggle that you coninue to go through, and I plan to keep visiting to see the other things you have to say as you negotiate this uncharted terrain which you didn't choose...
Peace to you and love.

Chrissy Joy said...

thanks ry, dawn I miss you!

Penny Reid said...

I agree with Jules - everything you have to say is important and we want to know it all. I think the blog is going just fine. Thank you for posting - even on days when you feel like death warmed over.

Hugs, Penny

Anonymous said...

Hi Tine, just got around to checking your blog today. I agree with everyone. Why would you want to seperate yourself into sections. It is all a part of who you are and who you want to be. One person, many sides and interests. God has a plan for you. Jer 29"11-14 love you lots oxoxoxo mom hugs

Renee said...

This is especially interesting to me because I do have two blogs...one dealing with my life with Lyme disease and CFS and another where I wanted to write about what I have learned in teh past 60 years. I have felt I needed to expand to have more readers...but dividing myself into sections is not working so well for me and reading this makes me think I don't have too. We are complicated human beings and everfy part of us is needed to make us whole.
You have given me food for thought. I find your blog very interesting too.
Renee

Dhiroj said...

I read your blog, Chrissy, and I give CJ, Zoei and Zara (and Zane too) updates on how you're doing.

Try tagging or categorizing your posts. Then you could put a categories list on the sidebar and people could select to read only the posts in that category/tag...

David

Chrissy Joy said...

Hey david, i normally do tag my posts.. just not this one for some reason. And then I took my tags off from my sidebar, but I think I'll put them back, it's a good idea.

Pastor Jim said...

Hey Chrissy,

I read your blog because I am interested in you, what you are thinking and what you are feeling. I want to know the Good, the Bad and the occasional Ugly. Keep telling your story, shout it from the rooftops if you have to, but keep getting the word out. There are more people suffering than you can imagine, and your words can and do make a difference.

Don't divide yourself and compartmentalize your life in that way. Life is messy. Sometimes it crosses boundries. Don't limit yourself by trying to decide what should go where. Just tell your truth and let the readers decide:)

Blessings

Sister said...

I agree with Pastor Jim, life is messy. Some days things do not go as planned. And anyone who thinks they have a perfectly organized life that will go according to their plan is either fooling themselves or are in for a big disappointment! :)

Blog the way we live our lives full of the expected and unexpected. Where every day is a crazy new adventure!

Dhiroj said...

I read your blog, Chrissy, and I give CJ, Zoei and Zara (and Zane too) updates on how you're doing.

Try tagging or categorizing your posts. Then you could put a categories list on the sidebar and people could select to read only the posts in that category/tag...

David

Ry Ry said...

I was thinking the same as Jules... just less eloquently.