Pages

Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Links, Likes, and Love- 11/15

It's been quite awhile since I've done a Links, Likes, and Love.  A lot has been going on, but I wanted to share with you some things I'm a part of.

Links

  • Make it Better: Craftalong for Sandy Relief- In response to Hurricane Sandy some folks got together and enlisted crafters to create warm things for those who are without electricity, heat, or homes.  I sent a package out this week containing some mittens I had made last winter, a few hats I whipped up, and a scarf I had been working on forever but didn't have a reason to finish.  The deadline for submissions is tomorrow, but I'll keep my eyes out for other projects incase you want to contribute.
  • The Kick Start Your Handmade Holiday Shopping Giveaway- My friend Carrie is doing an awesome giveaway!  I'm thankful for her and her effort to encourage people to buy handmade this holiday season.  Hop on over and enter and you could soon be an owner of something awesome from The Pink Woobie!
Likes

  • You!- I am so grateful for each one of you who keep coming back to read what I have to say.  Things are slow sometimes, but I still feel like I have a lot of important things to say, so don't give up on me.  It's only because I know some of you out there are interested that I keep writing.  
  • The Weather- yes, it's getting cold but I own a lot of warm accessories from all the years of crocheting.  But it's been mostly sunny, and my body doesn't get overwhelmed like it does in the heat.  Many days this summer I hid in my bedroom with the AC cranked.  It's so nice to be able to go outside, take a walk, drink a coffee, without sweat pouring out of everywhere.
  • My electric blanket- this goes along with the weather.  Although my body doesn't get overwhelmed as much in the cold, my joints and muscles do hurt a little more.  I'm combatting that with an amazing electric blanket that Ryan got me.  I highly suggest investing in one for anyone who might struggle with the cold.  I can't believe the difference it makes compared to a normal blanket.
Love
I'm not really sure this even needs words.  This is Popeye helping me with my spinning.  What a good cat!

Friday, September 21, 2012

Links, Likes, and Love- SUPERSIZED

Hey friends!  I missed Links, Likes, and Love last week because of the tendinitis in my shoulder.  I thought for today's I would share some EXTRA with you.  These are still all things that I find super awesome and I totally think you should check them all out.

Links- all the links I'm sharing this week are sites that I visit if not daily at least several times a week.  They provide a huge amount of inspiration for me, especially that last few weeks when I haven't been able to craft as much as I'd like to, they've given me things to think about and plan.

  • Be Up & Doing- This is my friend Allie's blog.  She covers a huge variety of topics, which is why I love it so much.  My interests are wide and varied as well, and they often overlap with Allie's blog.  She recently has gone full-time freelance and I know she is going to rock it because she is so awesome.
  • The Zen of Making- Haley Pierson-Cox is a crafty, granny-glasses wearing, Brooklyn gal with a crush on all things DIY.  And to be honest, I have a huge crafting crush on Haley (she's aware).  She tries her hand at a little bit of everything, and her geek crafts are the best (TARDIS EVERYTHING).  She's awesome on Twitter too.
  • Craft- My interest in Craft is highly influenced by Haley, but there is a serious amount of great projects of all shapes and sizes culled from all over the internet.
  • Ravelry- Ravelry is an amazing community of knitters, spinners, crocheters, etc.  There is an endless amount of patterns, forums, groups, and users on Ravelry.  I don't use it as often as some people, but is definitely a great source of information that I consult on a very regular basis. 
Likes- 
  • I have probably read more in the last 5 weeks, than I did in the last five years.  For a long time I had chronic headaches.  They had a lot of different causes, and one thing that has helped is cutting my dreadlocks and having short hair.  Nothing is squeezing my head anymore at least.  This past week I read Diving Into the Wreck by Kristine Kathryn Rusch. I have become well versed in science fiction television since becoming ill five years ago, but this has been one of my first forays into reading the genre.  Diving Into the Wreck is the first in a series and so far I am loving.  I knew about halfway through the book I was enjoying it, and now I can't wait to read the next in the series.  Bonus points: I'm getting it them from the LIBRARY.  Libraries are so cool.
  • Greuyere cheese-  This is my favorite cheese ever.  I think it's important to have a favorite cheese and I love it's rich gooeyness.  I've been eating more than I probably should when I go to Stauf's for lunch I get a turkey, bacon, Greuyere sandwich on gluten free bread.  SO TASTY.
Love
This probably isn't a secret but I LOVE YARN!!  I love the feel, the color, and even the smell of yarn.  Much of my life for the past five years has been surrounded and comforted by yarn.  I wrote on Monday that I am the proud owner of a spinning wheel.  Even before acquiring said wheel I was spinning with a drop spindle.  I'm still setting the twist on yarn from my wheel, but here are some pics of handspun yarn from my drop spindle. 
This is a mixture of Alpaca and Merino wool, I crocheted a pretty great fuzzy beanie with this.
This is Mohair and Romney Wool.  The left skein is two ply and the other two are single ply.

This is Mohair and Romney Wool single ply, one of the favorites I've done so far.


Friday, September 07, 2012

Links, Likes, and Love- Ithaca Edition

This week I am spending time at my sister's house in Ithaca, NY.  I had made plans to be here during the summer but didn't make it until now.  My nephew went back to school on Wednesday, so I've had the days mostly to myself.  Here are Links, Likes, and Love for September 7, 2012.

Links
  • Ithaca Bakery- Yesterday and today I headed to the Triphammer Marketplace location.  They also have a location in downtown Ithaca.  My iced lattes have been amazing.  Not only do they have a tasty menu, they carry gluten free bread and bagels!!  The website is pretty interesting too.
  • Visit Ithaca- If you've never been to Ithaca, you can check out their official tourism site.  I had hoped to have a much more in depth blog post written about what Ithaca has to offer, but this body just wasn't up for being a tourist this week.  So check it out and find out why Ithaca is Gorges! 
Likes
  • J.R.R. Tolkien- Over the years I have started The Hobbit several times but never really got very far.  I read it this week and can't wait to read The Lord of the Rings.  We had picked up a new paperback copy of The Hobbit recently because Ryan wanted to read it again before the upcoming movie.  I haven't seen The Lord of the Rings movies and I'm missing out on sharing that experience with him, so I wanted to make sure to share this one.  Looking forward to the movie and being a fan of Wifred, I can't wait to see Elijah Wood.
  • Cayuga Lake- Although I haven't actually spent time at the lake this summer it's visible while driving and it takes my breath away.  The sights are beautiful and the activities around the lake are amazing.  I'm sure you've heard of The Finger Lakes wine tours.  This is a picture I took last summer from Stewart Park, as you can see it's a big lake. 

Love

My Nephew!!  I love my sister and the rest of my family too, but my nephew is growing into such a great kid.  He's intelligent, and funny, and he loves hugs.  How could it get any better.  He has the best one line quotes as well.  This week alone my favorites are: "Especially considering my extensive library" and "I ran out of onomatopeoeias!"  I made him sit down with me for a few minutes and take some pictures with my webcam.  He's a lot of fun!

Friday, August 31, 2012

Links, Likes, and Love 8/31/2012

Another semi-busy and productive week.  Not a whole lot to show for it, but hopefully soon my hard work will be paying off.   Here's a run down of Links, Likes, and Love for the last week in August 2012.

Links

  • Elevatory Brewery- Starting on Tuesday The Elevatory Brewery and Draught House will have a gluten free Saison on tap.  Not only is having a gluten free beer on tap absolutely awesome, it just so happens that it's a homebrew creation of my very own husband Ryan.  If you live in Columbus you should try to check it out in the month of September. 
  • Ravelry- A great online community for crocheters, knitters, and yarn enthusiasts.  I've been spending more time around there lately and I encourage you to check it out if the above includes you!
  • The newly painted bike lane on King Avenue.
  • Frugal Foodie Mama- This is a friend of mine who just so happens to be having a birthday this weekend!!  To celebrate she's doing an awesome two part give away.  The first one starts on Saturday, and then an item from yours truly will be in the give away starting on Monday.  I'll post about it more when the time comes!  Be sure to check it out for some homemade/handmade goodness.


Likes

Bike Lanes- King Avenue got bike lanes this week!!  Pretty awesome if I do say so myself.  Although my bike riding has been limited this summer, Ryan rides his bike to campus and other places quite a bit.  Usually it's right down King Ave.  Not only did they resurface the road for a smoother ride, but now there are designated lanes!  Great job Columbus!

Quote- I came across this quote and it absolutely hit home for me.  It's about being tender and sensitive.  I'm very tender and sensitive, my feelings get hurt easily, but I also care deeply about a lot of things.  Even if you know me in real life you may not know this, I do a pretty good job about hiding, which I guess I really don't need to do.  Zooey Deschanel tells us why:

Being tender and open is beautiful. As a woman, I feel continually shhh’ed. Too sensitive. Too mushy. Too wishy washy. Blah blah. Don’t let someone steal your tenderness. Don’t allow the coldness and fear of others to tarnish your perfectly vulnerable beating heart. Nothing is more powerful than allowing yourself to truly be affected by things. Whether it’s a song, a stranger, a mountain, a rain drop, a tea kettle, an article, a sentence, a footstep, feel it all – look around you. All of this is for you. Take it and have gratitude. Give it and feel love.

Love 



Bamboo Splash- I've always been a doodler, I love drawing and have sketchbooks full of incomplete artwork.  Which is why I'm loving my new Bamboo tablet.  I've spent hours figuring it out and creating fun pictures.  No great masterpieces yet, but I like how when I dislike something instead of flipping to a new page in my sketchbook I can just delete it.

The last few weeks I've been dealing with some shoulder soreness that is really aggravated by knitting and crocheting (and most likely sewing if I attempted) so this has given me something else to do with my time.  Also it's required me to clean off my craft table, which has been a nice change.  The picture above is at my table in Stauf's where I have been spending a lot of my days recently.  

For my next trick I shall draw you a monster!
This is the Woobie Monster, he is drinking an Iced Latte.
Have a great weekend everyone!

Friday, August 24, 2012

Links, Likes, and Love

So it's Friday and it's been a busy week.  The first half showed a large improvement in my health and I finished projects I'd been working on and started others that had only taken form in my head.  I wanted to share with you some of the important things from this week in a series I hope to do weekly.  Here are some links to items you should pay attention to, two things I liked, and one love for the week of August 20, 2012.

Links:

  • Skreened- Check out this custom apparel company.  It's part of a new project I'm working on and if you look hard enough you just might get a look into what I've been doing this week.  Eventually this will be some shameless self promotion that I will write more extensively on later.
  • Geek and Sundry-  This is a seriously awesome YouTube channel featuring the best in "indie geek culture."  The hubs and I have seriously enjoyed watching Table Top together which is Wil Wheaton and guests playing board games, and Ryan always checks up on Felicia Day's weekly Flog.


Likes:
Yarn- Last week I had the occasion to buy new and exciting yarn after meeting and agreeing to test knit a pattern for The Intinerant Knitter.  I spent the week working with Malabrigo Silky Merino and it is absolutely wonderful.  The color is amazing and it is an absolute dream to knit.  Silky Merino a DK weight blend of, as the name states, silk and merino merino wool.


  • The Weather- The weather this week was absolutely blissful.  After months of scorching heat, making me and everyone else miserable, I've enjoyed several days of sunny comfortable weather, and nights cool enough for two blankets. 

Love:

Baseball

When I was a little girl I would listen to the Phillies games on the radio with my Grammy Bea, and my best friend in elementary school was a bit Mets fan.  I never really gave baseball much thought in high school and college, but upon moving to Ohio Ryan and I became Cincinnati Reds fans.

Baseball has become a pretty big part of our summer activities, but for the last several years I haven't really felt well enough to attend games.  We've spent a lot of time listening to the Reds on the radio this summer and they are kicking butt.  But we also have a AAA team right here in Columbus.  Last night I attended my first Columbus Clippers game in their new Huntington Park.  We use to go to games before I got sick at the old park, and I was excited to see what the new one has to offer.  My favorite thing, very few stairs.  We happen to enter through an entrance that had stairs from street level, and I thought things weren't going to go well as the pain in my hip immediately started acting up.  But that was all I had to conquer and the rest of the night was relatively pain free.

Also I got to eat yummy ballpark food like peanuts and popcorn.   It was a really good night and I hope to be able to do it again next season.



Monday, February 21, 2011

Embracing Life with Chronic Pain (Part 3)

This is part of series about embracing life, you can find part 1 here.
Me with two amazing ladies @CarolynMaul and @JanelleSteele
in a photo booth at a Twitter inspired event.
I stole this picture from Carolyn's facebook page. Hopefully she won't mind.

Another thing the wonder of Twitter has brought me is an amazing connection with the people of my city.  I kind of fell in love with Columbus about two weeks after first moving here over 5 years ago.  I knew there were great people who lived here, but kept striking out when I tried to develop friendships with people I was working and going to school with.

I did meet a really great group of people our first summer here playing softball with the Maggots, and I am still really close to them.  In fact I got to hang out with them on Friday and it was so refreshing to just BE with people who already knew me and my flaws and still loved me for who I am.  We don't see each other as much as we once did, but they are also the kind of people that if I see around town, just giving them a hug and saying hi is enough to carry me for the rest of the day.

A whole new world of people was opened up to me when I started following people from Columbus on Twitter.   I started getting out of the house to meet people, meanwhile forming relationships through online dialogue and silliness.  I’ve started considering Columbus MY city, and the truth is MY city is filled with some of the most creative, compassionate, driven, and unique folks.  The people I have met have different backgrounds, work in different industries, are different ages, and come from all over the world, but we always find something in common.  I still get down and feel lonely from time to time, but usually all I have to do is tweet about it and I get all kinds of encouragement and love sent to me instantly.  My blog, Etsy shop, and life would certainly not be as successful if it wasn’t for everyone I speak with on a daily basis, whether I see them in person once a week or every couple months.  It’s really rather fabulous.

Friday, February 18, 2011

This one is for Stevie

Ryan and I went out for dinner with good friends tonight and it was great to get caught up. The kids get bigger every time I see them.  They are also always way excited to see us both.  A few weeks ago I had told the youngest boy about my website and told him he should check it out.  I've seen him twice since then and although he says he hasn't seen it yet he still remembers the address.  So here is a little post for him.

Steve, Stevie, Little Man, Quad Boy, etc this one is for you!!!

Friday, January 07, 2011

Why Crochet?

As some of you may or may not know I began to crochet almost out of necessity.  In the fall of 2007 I became incredibly ill and spent some time in the hospital.  About a year prior to that my mother-in-law Nancy had taught me the basics of crocheting and I had made a few really misshapen dish cloths.

I picked my hook up again in 2007 to help with some charity projects a friend from church was putting together.  I almost immediately got pneumonia and pertussis, commonly known as whooping cough, spending a week in the hospital.  My stay in the hospital consisted of lots of coughing, lots of headaches, and lots of sleepless nights.  I couldn't read because of the headaches, and was by myself most of the time except for a few hours when Ryan was able to visit in the evenings.  So, being the dutiful husband he went to the craft store and bought me loads and loads of yarn.  During that week I crocheted about half a dozen hats and probably more afghan squares.  They weren't very attractive, and sometimes not completely symmetrical.  However, I pushed on.

It was estimated that it would take me about 6 months to recover fully from my illness and most of that was spent in bed not able to much else but crochet and watch TV.  By December I had crafted something for almost everyone in my family.  Hats and scarves were the gifts of Christmas 2007.

It quickly became apparent that it was going to take longer than 6 months to recovery from everything that ailed me.  Tests were run and doctors were visited and I got a diagnosis of Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.  These weren't necessarily new conditions, but in my weakened state after pneumonia, they were making me ill enough that my life could not go on business as usual.

So, I crocheted on.  And although I get healthier every year I still have not been able to return to school or work.  Birthdays, Christmas, and births of babies have been filled with wonderful hand made gifts since then.  I really find a lot of joy in it and I LOVE making something my own.

So why crochet?

  • For me it pretty much just fell into my lap (teehee) and I ran with it.  But if you are thinking about learning to take up a craft, and thought about crocheting, I can tell you the effort and frustration at the beginning is worth the end product.  
  • It's relatively inexpensive to begin, yarn starting for under three dollars and hooks not much more, although it can become extremely expensive when you like the feel of yarn as much as I do.
  • You can do it anywhere.  Grab a ball a yarn and a hook and you can crochet on a bus, at the doctor's office, in the coffee shop.  My favorite place is in front of the TV.  I can't just sit and watch anymore, my hands are constantly going.
  • You can make anything.  If you look at some of my recently posted pictures, you will see the variety of gifts I gave out this year.  No two a like. :) 
  • Pure enjoyment.  Who doesn't like to have a bit of fun every now and then.  And for me, it's totally fun.  
If you are one of those people thinking about learning to crochet, please take my poll that you can find to the right of this post and let me know why it sounds appealing to you.  I'm hoping to teach some classes in 2011 and it would greatly help me know what kind of audience I should present to.
With love,
Woobie

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Unexpected

I've been contemplating the events of the last few days. I heard a lot of ideas, thoughts, personal stories, and inspiring directions while I was attending a School for Conversion at Communality in Lexington, KY.

My head is full and I have not reached a point where I can coherently write my reflections and experiences down yet.  However I keep coming back to one unexpected thing, and this is a big one for me.  As I've previously stated I am big on community, on being around others, and loving those who I share my life with.  While I was in Lexington this past weekend, I felt like the people I was around were people that I had known all my life.  I felt instantly comfortable and enveloped in love the moment I stepped in the door.  

Some of these people I never really expect to see again, but for the time that we shared space on a sunny and extremely warm spring weekend I felt that they were somehow part of my distant family.

This is fairly unexpected for me.  With the general anxiety that I deal with on a daily basis I consistently feel uneasy in the presence of new people.  Even my strong desire to be with others is often overcome by fear, anxiety, and insecurities.  This often leads to missed opportunities.

I went to Lexington to see and to listen to community, with no expectations.  Any fruit that the weekend bears will be unexpected.  However, for now I am practicing delayed gratification, and not beating myself up over perceived missed moments, because the moments that I caught are worth more.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Yoga


So, I can't believe I haven't written about this yet, but I guess that's just the way things are.  

I've been practicing yoga for several months now.  It is one of the best experiences of my life, the fitness aspect as well as the life, body, mind centering that it brings.  I practice at a studio just a few blocks from where I live called Grow Yoga.  I just finished the first 8 week beginner Hatha series.  Of course I did not participate in all 8 weeks, because of my condition I missed out on 3 of them, but hope to continue going on Tuesday mornings.

I've become stronger after the sedentary life I had been living because of my condition.  I am also more flexible than I have ever been.  Which just blows my mind.  The benefits yoga has brought to my life are innumerable.

I will say this about the practice of yoga:

  • No matter what your religious or spiritual beliefs are, for at least a few moments during your practice you can become centered on that one thing that holds your life together.  
  • You become more aware of yourself, both in how your body moves and how your mind works. 
  •  You can come to each practice moving only in the way your body will allow you.  This is most important for me, because of all the chronic pain and fatigue I experience.  
  • From day to day you may not know what your abilities are going to be, but you can always participate in the practice of yoga as your body allows you to move in only comfortable non-harmful ways.

Because I am a new yogi on this journey I am not going to recommend any specific practice or style that may be better than another.  I am not going to tell you to go out and spend money on any one particular book or DVD.  But I do want to encourage you, if you feel that your body could use some movement and you can't find the one thing that works for you, seek out a yoga class.  Hatha yoga is perfect for beginners.  Be careful of classes that claim to be power yoga or hot yoga, while these are valid practices, if you have any kind of chronic condition that causes pain, weakness or fatigue, they would not be helpful classes for you. 

Don't be afraid to ask questions before you take a class, meet the instructor, make sure they know your specific needs.  If a particular instructor is not willing to listen about your limitations, then move on and find someone new.  This is not advice just for those of us in chronic pain, but everyone.  You need to find what works for you and not just what happens to be the biggest or most popular class.  

You will not master all poses immediately, but you may find that some things come more easy than others.  Work on those, but also challenge yourself into poses that give you problems.  I have benefited from working my body in as many directions as possible.  I have better posture, and I feel healthier from it.  

Because of the benefits I have received from yoga as a person in chronic pain, I've launched on a quest to learn all I can about the practice of yoga, and I would like to train to become a teacher specializing in helping those in chronic pain.  This isn't going to take place immediately as the amount of knowledge to be acquired by a yoga instructor is vast, and I do not want to rush my study because I want to enjoy the journey, and hopefully bring my experiences to help others like me.

As for what other paths I will be taking in the future, they are still unknown, but I trust they will be revealed in time.  In yoga we end with the word Namaste, meaning "the light in me honors the light in you."  This warrants it's own post in itself relating to my experiences in India.  But for now I will just finish this post with Namaste.

Monday, December 29, 2008

A transition into 2009- some highlights amongst the pain

It's almost the New Year.  The end of 2008 is a hopeful time for me.  It's been about the most challenging year of my life, the HARDEST thing that I've ever had to experience.  I thought at the end of 2007 I had experienced everything that I could handle.  But that was only 3 months of being ill.  Now after having an entire year of this hardship, I know that 2007 was a pretty successful year.  

In 2008 there were some highlights: 
  • I went to India, and had some life changing experiences observing the lives of those who live differently than I do, but also do so in a wonderful way that I enjoyed so much.
  • I learned to bake and decorate special cakes, even though they are something that I can't eat, they brought joy to others. 
  • I was able to put a name to some of the terrible things that were going on with my body.  Although I don't have all the answer, having some answers brings a bit of comfort in knowing it's "not all in my head."
  • I found some great blogs and websites dedicated to those with chronic illnesses.
  • I learned that eliminating gluten and dairy from my diet made me feel a whole lot better.
  • I got to spend 6 weeks with my sister and her family.  My nephew and I had wonderful conversations, did some great imagining, and played some games that I was able to stay on the couch and have just as much fun as if I was able to run around and or hike.
  • I read a countless number of books with topics ranging from chronic illness, mountaineering, Janis Joplin and other amazing 60 and 70s musicians, and some spiritual encouragement along the way.
  • I developed some of my photography, crocheted some beautiful projects, and decided that I really enjoyed creating.
  • I started massage therapy, which I learned is not just a luxury for some people, but a necessity for many with chronic pain conditions, including me.
  • I got a cat named Popeye who is the sunshine of my life on my darkest days.  And Scarlet our snake continues to grow and provide entertainment and a glimpse of God's intricacies in creation.
  • Barack Obama was elected president.
  • I learned about a wonderful girl named Aimee Dickey who was battling an inoperable brainstem glioma.  Aimee died on December 12th, but her life's wish was to educate people about childhood cancer and put an end to the suffering of cancer.  I hope to carry Aimee's legacy into 2009.  
  • I never met Aimee or her mother Annette, but I feel very close to them, and I feel that I became a friend of Annette's during 2008.  I hope that this friendship will continue, and that we will meet face to face sometime in 2009.
I hope that these things will carry me into the New Year, and enhance my life.  I already have a few things lined up for 2009 including a yoga class that I am very excited about.  I feel so blessed to have found a yoga studio within walking distance (even for me) from our apartment.  I'm not sure if I will ever set foot into a gym again.  

I will also be seeking disability from the Social Security Administration this year.  My initial application was denied, but I am working on contacting a lawyer to help with the process.

I have been attending counseling for several weeks now, and will begin group therapy most likely on January 12th.  This will hopefully be where I learn the skills to live a life that worth something more than what I feel it is now.

I am excited to celebrate the New Year here in Pennsylvania with family friends who have known me for a very long time.  They love me unconditionally, and it will be a great time.

I hope that you find grace and blessings in this time of transition.  Happy New Year, and God Bless.



Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Man of the Year: Ryan Bell

It seems almost a weird time to be announcing a man of the year award.  It is near the end of 2008, but don't those things usually happen at the beginning of the next year?  Either way it doesn't matter.  Because time and again this man has stood up and been a great human being over the past 12 plus months.  

When I got sick last year around Halloween, we were both pretty engrossed in our own lives and busy as heck.  But he put things on hold to take care of me.  He brought me drinks, made me my meals over and over again, even when all I wanted was eggs or grilled cheese.  He cleaned out my cups full of tissues and mucus when I was coughing so much it didn't make sense to get out of bed to spit anything out.

Everyday he came to the hospital while I was there to share my dinner with me.  While the hospital food wasn't the stereotypical horribleness it could have been, I'm sure he could have eaten better somewhere else.  He brought me anything I requested, and when it was time to go home he continued to do all the things that made me feel comfortable and better.

Flash forward a year later and I am still struggling with my health and with my life.  He is extremely busy trying to finish his masters degree that almost got put at a stand still last October, but he never fails to amaze me.  He does the laundry because it hurts too much for me to do the repetitive motions of bending over to deposit clothes in the machine and take them out again.  He does the dishes most of the time unless I've mustered up some strength for a small stretch.  And even though cleaning the litter box is MY job, he does that when it hasn't been done in awhile either.  

He has been to countless appointments with me, either just as a driver or as a second person in the room to listen and ask questions, and he continues to be involved in my care both physically and mentally.  He warms up my heating pads to keep my sore muscles and joints comfy, and he still cooks the meals I want, even when they are the same thing over and over again.

Twice this month I have given him the Man of the Day award, for doing two very different things.  The first was when he effortlessly broke a frozen slab of bacon in half over the kitchen counter, in my amazement who else was I going to award the man of the day award to.  And at 2am this morning when I rolled over to ask him if he was awake after I was tossing and turning and had even been up to go to the bathroom, he replied yes.  My stomach was upset from my meds, and I wanted a glass of ginger ale.  Bleary eyed he got up and got it for me, when I probably could have easily gotten it myself.  I awarded the man of the day award again, but he thought it was awful early in the day to be giving out awards.  

That's when I decided really that this post needed to be done.  People needed to what he has done for me through all that I've been going through.  So world (or my handful of readers)  Ryan Bell is my man of the year.

Stay tuned for runners up, they might even include a few females.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Intensity

This is something I wrote this summer, before a lot of the current things have happened.  I use the word crazy in here, but I use it not to be offensive, but if you've ever met me... Well, I'm crazy.  You'll get the idea after read what I have to say.  It just kind of says some things I've been feeling lately and this was 2 months ago. 

I am a little crazy, I realize that.  I've lost friendships and relationships due to my craziness.  Sometimes I worry about slipping back into my old crazy patterns and driving even more people away.  I get a special kind of anxiety about this character flaw when I am reminded of relationships that I have in one way or another ruined.  This could occur by coming across an old photograph, or hearing the persons named mentioned by another friend.  This puts me on the defense, I check to see if my current actions are anything close to as crazy as the actions that may have ended the referenced friendship.

Maybe crazy isn't the word for it, I can be described more as intense.  One of the definitions Merriam-Webster gives for the word intense is: marked by or expressive of great zeal, energy, determination, or concentration.  That's about how I see it, I'm intense, and my intensity can express itself in many different ways.

When I first started reflecting on the word intense and subsequently intensity, I thought about a time when I was a kid and I burned myself very badly.  My sisters had a set of desk lamps that were accurately called high intensity desk lamps.  It used a bulb that was brighter than normal incandescent light bulb, and as one would expect much hotter than anything I had ever touched before.  I learned this a little too late.

One day I was playing on my older sisters bed, living in some make believe world with alligators under the bed, and dragons in the closet.  I discovered by putting the lamp that was on the side of my sisters bed under her bedspread, it made a bright pink glowing color.  Who knows as a four or five year old what I might have imagined it to be.  I enjoyed looking at it, and continued to play with the bedspread tented over the lamp glowing

Soon I began to smell something burning.  I looked and there was a brown spot forming on my sisters pink bedspread. Panicked I reached to grab the lamp by the metal part that covered the bulb, this is what caused my burn.  This was not the worst part for me however.  My mom had also smelled the burning, and by this time I was hiding in another room.  She first came to find me, and saw that I was burnt, then she wanted to know what had caused the smell.  I left her to figure it out, sobbing because I thought I was in more trouble than I ever had been.

I don't remember getting yelled at, however I'm sure I did get some kind of small lesson out of it.  What I do remember is my mom giving me a hug, telling me that she was just glad that I wasn't hurt worse than I could have been.  And she put something on the burn to make it feel better.  That was it, and I almost burned down the house!  If I can be forgiven for something like that, I'm sure I can be forgiven for much less.

This has not been the case for many friendships that I have lost over the years because of my intensity.  These relationships can fall into two categories.  The first is when the person never really got to know me well enough to begin with and was turned off by my general personality.  It is fairly harmless, it is hard for me to do wrong on my own.  If I have wronged a particular person, they most likely played a part as well, whether they realize it or not.

The second category are those people who might know me fairly well and let a small slip of judgement on my part affect their whole view on who I am.  If this is the case, did I really want to be friends with this person to begin with?

I'm not saying it's not my fault.  I have totally made poor judgement calls, or have had a lack of judgement all together.  I won't deny that sometimes I am just too intense, but who hasn't had these moments?

When people stop associating with me, do not return calls, e-mails, or letters, I take this to heart.  I am deeply wounded by it. Especially because most of the time, I am not the only person at fault.  I'm willing to forgive most people for most things, and some people are so shallow that they can not see me for who I really am.

I am a lover and I care deeply about other people, no matter what their role in my life has been.  It hurts to not have those gestures returned.  I constantly struggle to have good judgement, to not be too intense.  I suppose the truth is people just can't handle me.  I think this is someone else's problem, not mine.  But again, I can not stress enough how much it hurts to not be accepted including and in spite of my judgement and intensity.  Perhaps this is why God invented Moms.


Wednesday, November 05, 2008

some days (stream of consciousness at 5am)

some days I don't feel sick at all.  or some hours, or some minutes, or maybe just for a few seconds i forget.  

i'm not sure what to do with it.

i'm listening to the cat most likely being naughty. for the second morning in a row i've woken up at 5am.  i've been going to bed at 11pm, so i guess that's a decent time of sleep.  but i'm stiff and sore, and thirsty.  i came into the tv room thinking my water cup was by the recliner, but it must be by the bed.  i guess i will go lay down for a little while longer, although i doubt it will help.

it's wednesday, hump day.  the weekends mean something again, which actually makes me happy.  my life has changed since i've stopped living in my pjs.  mind you, i still love putting them on at the end of the day.

it's my first day at half program, we will see what i do with my extra time.  i have a counselor at the hospital helping me with my resume and cover letter for a job, it could be promising.  part time, exactly what i need.

i need more exercise.  it's what the doctor ordered.  and i want to do it, but i'm having a problem with fatigue.  must combat that first.

MOM: I hope you are recovering well from your busy day yesterday.  You are one of my heros and I love you.  Can't wait to see you tomorrow.  No matter what time your flight comes in, I'll be there. :)

Saturday, November 01, 2008

4 Mile Hike

Ryan and I went on a 4 mile hike at Sharon Woods Metro Park today.  It's the longest I've walked since going 6 miles at the 2007 CROP walk in the beginning of October last year.  I'm tired, and I'd be lying if I told you I felt great, but it was so nice to get out. 
From 2008
I'm sure I will also be feeling it tomorrow, but hopefully I didn't over do it.  I expect to rest the rest of the evening and be ready for church tomorrow morning.  I'm going to try to post some pictures of the day, we will see if I have the brain capacity to do that now.
From 2008
From 2008



A Sick-a-versary!

This time last year I was really hurting. As you can see here on Oct. 30th I reported that I had pneumonia and my readers should not expect to hear from me for awhile. That while turned into a very long time.

At the time the doctor I saw at urgent care said I should be better in 5-10 days. Well... that wasn't quite the truth. Here is a summary of what the last year has been like. This is not so much to whine about my situation, but to put thing into perspective of where I am at on November 1, 2008.
  • October 29ish- Went to urgent care for chest x-rays and an EKG, because my body didn't feel right. Diagnosed with Pneumonia, given anti-biotics, and told to take Mucinex. Went home and went to bed.
  • October 30-Nov. 2ish- Spent entire time in bed, alternating between sleeping, coughing, chills, fevers, and call for Ryan to help me to the bathroom.
  • First 3 weeks of November- Continued to feel like I was hit by a truck, visited doctor frequently. Got the first shot in the butt that I was old enough to remember, antibiotics helped little. Continued to sweat, freeze, cough, and my breathing became worse.
  • Week before Thanksgiving- Went to doctor, she looked at me.... not even examining, just looked, and said she think I needed to be admitted to the hospital. My oxpulsometer read low levels, I started a breathing treatment immediately and took my first wheel chair ride to my first ever hospital room.
Here I immediately set up camp, calling for my Woobie, and crochet items. Over the next 6 days I was poked, prodded, x-rayed, cat scanned, and had my vital signs taken an uncountable number of times. During this time, I also had some wonderful visitors who included Pastor Jason, Jana Hansen, Jeremy, Dustyn, Robin, Hanna, Moncia and Lee, not to include the visitors I had in my dreams like the Wallace family. Apparently they were on my mind. My hospital room quickly filled with flowers from all over the country and I felt loved. Ryan stayed by my side as much as he could while he was attending to his schooling. I finished many crocheted hats and watch a lot of TV Land. I watched the Michigan game from my tiny hospital TV with Ryan and Jeremy, and it was as enjoyable as can be.

I took many breaks to take drugs, have anti-biotics inserted through my IV, and the nurses tended to my pain and coughs as much as possible. A diagnosis of pertussis, or whooping cough was also confirmed, which explained the horrible coughing until I would throw up.

My most important visitor was my grad school advisor who visited me in my hospital room and told me that even though the trip was less than 8 weeks away, I was going to India.

I got out of the hospital the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, had wonderful  meals delivered to me from all the wonderful members of Terra Nova (thanks Jen for arranging this).  Mom visited the day after Thanksgiving, she brought my a wonderful prayer scarf from the Center Moreland United Methodist Church, which I wore the rest of the winter, and continue to refer to even now.

The rest of the next few months is kind of a blur.  My body hurt, I was tired all the time, I had a hard time breathing, and I seriously just wanted to get better.  The doctor said 6 weeks, I'd be back to normal, then 10 weeks, by the time it was all over it sounded more like 6 months to a year before I was completely recovered from pneumonia.

After a short trip home for Christmas I boarded a plane to India.  I was crying as I stood in line in the Newark airport thinking that it was not in my best judgement to be getting on a plane to another part of the world.  But I did it anyways.  I had a lot of wonderful experience, many which I don't remember.  I remember the people who took care of us, the people who I met briefly, the kids who wanted to have their pictures taken, and the life that I could see in the Indian people.  To experience just a little of this visit my pictures here: CJB's India Album.

I got a stomach virus while in India (no big surprise there) but there was a time, again as I was getting on a plane to come home, I didn't know how I was going to make it.  The 13 other people that I was on that trip with made it possible.

My return from India resulted in more blood tests, more fatigue, more pain, more stomach issues, and more diagnosis.  I learned the thyroid condition I'd been treating since I was 12 is called Hashimoto's Thyroiditis .  I eventually got a diagnosis of adult onset asthma, which explained my horrible chest pains and breathing problems.  And finally I saw a headache specialist who diagnosed me with chronic tension headaches as well as migraines.  I was put on the appropriate medications for each of these conditions, and I seem to be handling them mostly well.  Oh I didn't mention my high blood pressure, but that's a given, my whole family deals with that.

Now the not so easy things that I've had to deal with: In May I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia while it is a common condition, it is not understood well, and treatments aren't really universal.  But this was explaining my body pains, my fatigue, my general over all crapiness.  And then the Irritable Bowel Syndrome.  This I have not nailed down yet, I've cut most gluten and dairy from my diet, take supplement, and have good days and bad days.  It is an ongoing struggle.

Throughout all this I have been at constant battle with my mental status.  With my anxiety and depression constantly telling me I was worthless, or that I couldn't deal with the pain anymore, and that no one was every going to figure out how to make me feel better.  I put my education on hold, I stopped working, and essentially I had to put my life on hold for all of this.  Last week found me in the emergency room, expressing thoughts of wanting to kill myself, or at least harm myself.  I can't tell you have good it felt to get those things out.

I spent 6 days as in inpatient in the Neuropsych Unit here at the OSU Harding Hospital.  Medications have been added, removed, adjusted, and monitored.  I've done group therapy, recreational therapy, and most importantly met people who could really help me with my struggle.  The last week I've been participating in a structured day program to further my process, and while on some days it's exhausting things can be looking up.

It's hard and I'm struggling.  I can't say things are rainbows and butterflies, because they are not.  But I've had an amazing support system that include my church here, my home church, life long friends, new friends since moving to Ohio, and most importantly my family.  So I find myself on a sunny Saturday getting ready to put some shoes on, grab my cane and go for a walk with my wonderful husband.

Thanks for listening if you got this far.  I really appreciate every one of you.  Let's hope the next year brings better things.  Peace.


(Editor's note: I wanted to add that there are still some diagnosis flying around out there, and the next few weeks could bring big changes.  I have a very important appointment on Monday that I hope to bring some clarity to all I've been experiencing.  I will update you as I know.)


Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Reason my mom is so cool number 37

So you haven't heard from me much since I dropped the big word about being in the nueropsych unit. I'm spending my days as a partial patient and trying to get myself healthy and safe. I wanted to send a shout out to my mom who was featured in our hometown newspaper this week. She's the best and has given me my values on almost every subject. She is why I've always voted.
NORTHMORELAND TWP. - Judy Schoonover has seen many changes since she first became a Judge of Elections in 1973. One thing that hasn't changed in her community, she noted, is the dedication of the voters.

"In Northmoreland Township, it's always intense. The people always come out," she said.


Read it here at the new website for the Wyoming County Examiner. (PS It's not that greatly put together of a paper, but it's home.)

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Revolution of Love

Ryan and I attended Terra Nova (new ground for your spiritual journey) today for the second time. I was not looking forward to going outside, as our thermometer read 6 degrees. Brrrr..... But I'm so glad I did. We began a new series today called Revolution of Love.
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as your self. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.
Matthew 22:37-40


How can we be a church if we do not love God and love others?

And what does a church look like if they do love God and others?

Terra Nova is a new church, and over the next few weeks they are deconstructing and reconstructing the meaning of church. I'm really looking forward to it.

On a side note, I mentioned that it is cold today. And all you good Methodists will recall Wesley and his experience of having a "strange warming" in his heart. While my warming might have not been to the caliber of the Wesley experience, I did enjoy the hot tea and comfort that Terra Nova brought to me this morning.

Peace.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Sermon December 31, 2006

I filled the pulpit of the Center Moreland Charge this past week and survived three services. I preached on Colossians 3:12-17 from The Message.

Below is the text of my sermon:

Today we are standing on the edge of 2007.

I’ve started coining the phrase “Not my favorite year” for the year of the 2006. I’m sure some of you will agree. We have all encountered some “touch stuff” and we have shared grief over deaths and illnesses.

For me 2006 was the first full year that I lived away from home; from my family, friends, and all that I was comfortable with. In Ohio, I’ve had to find new friends, and in a way new family. I spent the entire year trying to find new comfort zones, those places where I could go to feel the safest. I haven’t quite accomplished the level of comfort that I feel when I’m here in Northeastern Pennsylvania, with the people I’ve known my whole life, but I’m adjusting.

What I have taken away from 2006 is the new way in which I have learned to converse with God. I have always been a child of nature. Walking through the woods, counting the days until I would get to go to camp, or even staring out the window as the car drives down the road. This year, I’ve learned that my love of nature and my love of God are very similar, and I’ve developed a relationship with God in the outdoors in the glory of all that God has created.

So 2006 wasn’t all bad.

There have been joys of recoveries and births to accompany the sorrow that we felt from deaths and illnesses. In January I began seminary and started to learn what it means to be called by God into a life of ministry. My Aunt Til Weaver turned 100 years old in June, that’s surely something to celebrate!

So, what do we do with all the emotions we have felt over the last 12 months? You’ve all had different experiences, some better and some far worse than mine. What do people normally do on New Year’s Eve?

They make resolutions: This year I will lose weights. I want to get a better job, or work towards a promotion. This year I will spend more time with my family. I will stay in touch with friends and write more letters.

These are all good resolutions, but what happens to them? By Valentine’s Day they are usually broken and forgotten. This year I propose that we make RESOLUTIONS TO KEEP!

This means several things: making realistic resolutions that are not outside of our capabilities, holding each other accountable, and asking God for help.

I think the words of Colossians are an excellent place to start!

This letter was written to the Colossians as a kind of a pep talk. They were already practicing Christians, so they are being commended for their efforts thus far and are given further instructions as Christians.

“So, chosen by God for this new life of love dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you.” This is kind of like the “What not to Wear” of the New Testament. If you aren’t familiar with the popular TV show on the Learning Channel, the two hosts approach an unsuspecting victim who has been identified by their friends as a bad dresser. The basis of the show is not to make fun of the person or belittle the way they dress, but to help them dress in a more attractive way and feel better about themselves. The hosts lay out outfits and set ground rules before a two day shopping trip.

This Colossians are instructed to dress in: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, and discipline.

Can this “wardrobe” as it’s called be our New Year’s Resolutions? Can we dress this way every day in our New Life of 2007? What would it mean to dress in the wardrobe that God has laid out for us?

First we should look at compassion: Compassion can be described as a feeling of deep sympathy for another one who is stricken by misfortune, followed by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering. Mercy and tenderness are also words that are associated with compassion. Compassion as defined by this way is something that most of us posses, we feel sympathy for others and almost always have a desire to alleviate their suffering.

I want to take this instruction one step further, to wear compassion in your wardrobe you must also take actions on your feelings. While all suffering cannot be alleviated, as we wear compassion, we must evaluate our situations and take action in the best ways that are possible. This may include going into paces that are undesirable such as a strangers home or a hospital, but it is what God has laid out for us and we must wear it.

The next act of Kindness goes hand in hand with Compassion.

Kindness is something that has struck me as I have spent time in the city of Columbus over the past year. It is a fairly large city, the 15th largest in the country and while working in retail at the beginning of the year I came across many people who I would call grumpy and unpleasant. The traffic in the city isn’t always tolerable and often grocery stores and the malls are crowded. But, amongst the hubbub of city life, and the negative words of others, there is an extreme amount of kindness that takes place. There are countless numbers of programs for the homeless, including soup kitchens and free stores. And for every unfortunate event on the evening news there is always a report of outreach taking place in the community.

Outside of city life, here in Northeastern Pennsylvania, I feel that compassion and kindness is something that we do very well. But we can always be doing better. Push beyond your comfort zones for 2007 and begin new journeys of kindness, I promise that your wardrobe will look richer than any that you could buy in the city.

This semester in my early church history class I became familiar with a group of people called the desert elders. They existed mostly in Egypt in the 4th century when Christianity was becoming accepted and the Church leaders were being placed into a public form of leadership. They mostly objected to the way of life Christians were forming in the city and retreated to the desert for solitude and communion with God. This movement contributed to what we now call monasticism.

The desert elders lived an ascetic life and had several practices that they thought necessary for Salvation and an authentic life with God. Humility was one of them.

Practicing true humility is not easy. For the desert elders it was a life long experience and not something that could be mastered. Humility begins by letting go of the agendas we have set for our lives and allowing God to work through us. We should not take anything as a status symbol that would set us higher than others. Every act and ever words is a new opportunity to embody humility. Humility is a way of seeing that includes the horizon of the needs of others and the community that surrounds us.

Along with humility the desert elders also believed in a discipline, one which consists of patience. In our fast moving society we hardly encounter those who have patience. In my daily life I surely don’t have patience, I am always looking for the next thing and can hardly concentrate on the task at hand. Waiting to open presents from loved ones this week was excruciating. However, through the desert elders I am learning to practice patience in my faith life. Patience is no simply just the passing of time, but is an understanding of time itself, in God’s time is when the work of faith is taking place.

One of the things that the desert elders are famous for are their sayings, which were most likely preserved in writing after on of the elders spoke wisdom for a pilgrim on a particular subject. The sayings usually begin with someone asking for a word from a certain elder and what follows is the desert wisdom of the elder. One of the sayings is as follows. “Abba Ammonas once went to cross the river and found the ferry untended and seated himself nearby it. Just then another boat arrived at the place and embarked the people waiting there in order to take them across. And they said to him, ‘You come too, Abba, and cross over with us.’ But he said, ‘I will only board the public ferry.’ He had a bundle of palm leaves and sat plaiting a rope and then undoing it until the ferry was made ready. And he went across. Then the brothers bowed low before him and said, ‘Why do you do this?’ And the elder said to them, “That I may not always be dwelling on my thought.’”

Could you imagine in today’s world waiting for one form of transportation when there was another readily waiting? Can we change how we act when faced with impatience and how would that affect those around us who see our patience in both everyday life as well as with our faith?

It is the 5th aspect of our wardrobe- quiet strength, that we can face impatience. While at my parents’ house over vacation I checked a book out of the Tunkhannock Public Library. It is the story of a woman who in the face of addiction and almost certain death from her unhealthy living habits changed her life around at the age of 40 and began climbing mountains. She didn’t climb the little piddly mountains that we find around here, she went for the big guns, starting with Mount Kilimanjaro and eventually ending up on Everest.

While not raised in a Christian home, she met God in a facility for people with eating disorders. She was asked to turn her disorder over to God but she was not sure what to do. So perhaps in the only ways she knew how she took a bubble bath, lit some candles, and turned her life over to God.

What can be taken away from this story is not the amazing physical feats that she accomplished on the mountains, or her ability to overcome such obstacles in her addiction ruled life, but in the way that she did it. When she was on the mountain she would enter what she called her “Go Mode” and she would recite what became her prayer. “God’s love, God’s strength, God’s will, I can.”

The instructions do not end with these 5 new pieces of wardrobe. Everyone has an “all purpose” piece in the closet that they wear all the time. For me it is my Keen sandals. I wear them with everything, jeans, skirts, dress and shorts. I even wear them in the winter, sometimes with wool socks. We are instructed to wear LOVE as our all-purpose garment.

Now that we are dressed in our new wardrobe, where do we go and what do we do? We form a community…allowing the “Peace of Christ to keep us in tune with each other.” We are not to go off and do our own thing, this is where our humility hat comes in. And we must cultivate thankfulness. This can be our community garden, where we wear our compassion overalls, and our kindness gloves, along with our quiet strength for a jacket, and LOVE can be our garden clogs.

Let the word of Christ have the run of the house! Give it plenty of room. I know in some houses other things have the run: pets can often run a house, my husband and my schedule often reflects that of the TV Guide, and sometimes it can feel like your children are running your house. Make more room for the message of Christ and perhaps those other things will not seem overwhelming.

AND SING! Sing your hearts out to God. My friend Beth in Ohio can write a song at the drop of a hat, she of the uses my name in silly rhymes to sing about what I am doing at a particular moment. But truly her gift and her passion is singing for God. Most of us don’t sing nearly as well as she does, but God doesn’t’ care what we sound like, as long as we are singing!

Every detail of our lives should be done in the name of Christ, our words and our actions. And we must always remember to be thankful to God every step of the way.
This might be a longer list of resolutions than you would have liked and you are probably asking me how you are suppose to have time to make sure they are all being accomplished, but let’s review.

Resolutions number one: Combine Kindness, Compassion, and Humility and it all comes down to Loving Others.

Resolution number two: Patience and gentle strength are about LOVING GOD and allowing God to work in your life.

Resolution number three: Always be thankful and sing to God, the actions of your whole life should be in the name of Christ.

Three things are not that difficult. We must ask for each other’s help, as well as God’s. And in 2007 when we are faced with illnesses and deaths and obstacles that seem uncontrollable, we must have the patience to know we are in God’s hands. Saying every step of the way;

“God’s Love, God’s Strength, God’s will, I can.”

Monday, November 20, 2006

Exhausted yet renewed

I just spent the weekend in Jacksonville Flordia at Exploration 2006. It's a conference put on by the GBHEM of the United Methodist Church for young people considering a call into ordained ministry. I had attended as a Junior in college back in 2002 and jumped at the opportunity to go and facilitate a small group as well as represent MTSO.
It was extremely exhausting seeing as when we left for the airport at 5am on Friday morning I had not been to bed yet. However, spending a weekend helping others recognize their call as well as contemplating my own, I felt refreshed when I returned home.
Some of the highlights were having an AMAZING small group, praying more than I have in a long time, seeing my cousin Jestie as well as my friends from the Wyoming conference, being approched to pray with a Buckeye fan after a Victory over Michigan, having a goregous view and a balcony, and renewing my hope for the future of the United Methodist Church.
Some of the downsides were not sleeping enough and having to listen and watch a praise band "perform" during worship.
It is now Thanksgiving break and we are heading home on Wednesday afternoon, might not post again until after that, but I promise something really great soon.