Monday, January 31, 2011

Just When You Think It's Safe

Over the last three years I've learned a lot about myself, and about what my body can and can not handle in the course of living with fibromyalgia.
Over the last 8 months or so I really think I've gotten into a place where I feel like I'm contributing and not just sitting on my butt.  I've made some amazing friends and have had some awesome opportunities.

However I still find that I'm struggling with some things, and tonight I'm having a particularly rough time.  Although it's the fibromyalgia that is causing my difficulty, I'm struggling more mentally than physically.



Two Thursdays ago I went out to celebrate a calendar launch with some very special girls.  I had a great time, laughed, drank, hugged, and generally enjoyed myself without overdoing it.  Or so I thought.  For the next four days I was in extreme amounts of pain, most likely from standing for several hours on Thursday night.  I got to the point this weekend where I felt better and recovered and was glad to have made it through another flare without too much drama.

I've caught up on crochet projects that were pushed aside for a few days.  I ran some errands today, and came home and completely crashed.  I am so exhausted and was only out of the house maybe an hour and a half.  I am SO FRUSTRATED with this.

I hate that I can do all the right things, and still feel like the crap I'm feeling.  I know that it's mostly due to the impending winter storm, whatever that will bring us.  I know I can't do anything about it, and that is what aggravates me the most.

I'm being a responsible person, taking care of myself the ways that work best for me.  And even when I try my hardest, I still can't live the life I want to live.

Grrr... I just felt like I needed to get that out.  To rant a little in the least energy expending way.  I don't know if it will make me feel better, but maybe it will let you know you aren't alone if you feel this way.

With love,
Woobie

2 comments:

katkoe said...

you're okay, winter is very hard on those with FM. it sucks to sit and watch the day go on without you but you'll get through it and spring will be hear soon. take care and don't be too hard on yourself. *hugs*

katkoe said...

you're okay, winter is very hard on those with FM. it sucks to sit and watch the day go on without you but you'll get through it and spring will be hear soon. take care and don't be too hard on yourself. *hugs*