Over the last three years I've learned a lot about myself, and about what my body can and can not handle in the course of living with fibromyalgia.
Over the last 8 months or so I really think I've gotten into a place where I feel like I'm contributing and not just sitting on my butt. I've made some amazing friends and have had some awesome opportunities.
However I still find that I'm struggling with some things, and tonight I'm having a particularly rough time. Although it's the fibromyalgia that is causing my difficulty, I'm struggling more mentally than physically.
Two Thursdays ago I went out to celebrate a calendar launch with some very special girls. I had a great time, laughed, drank, hugged, and generally enjoyed myself without overdoing it. Or so I thought. For the next four days I was in extreme amounts of pain, most likely from standing for several hours on Thursday night. I got to the point this weekend where I felt better and recovered and was glad to have made it through another flare without too much drama.
I've caught up on crochet projects that were pushed aside for a few days. I ran some errands today, and came home and completely crashed. I am so exhausted and was only out of the house maybe an hour and a half. I am SO FRUSTRATED with this.
I hate that I can do all the right things, and still feel like the crap I'm feeling. I know that it's mostly due to the impending winter storm, whatever that will bring us. I know I can't do anything about it, and that is what aggravates me the most.
I'm being a responsible person, taking care of myself the ways that work best for me. And even when I try my hardest, I still can't live the life I want to live.
Grrr... I just felt like I needed to get that out. To rant a little in the least energy expending way. I don't know if it will make me feel better, but maybe it will let you know you aren't alone if you feel this way.
With love,
Woobie
