After two years of considering myself "on medical leave" from public life, I have returned to the classroom as a student to hopefully successfully finish up my Master of Theological Studies degree.
I have ALWAYS been self conscious and insecure about how I present myself to others, and what others perceive of me. Before you all go commenting about how WONDERFUL I am ;) I know this. If you were to ask me to tell you honestly how I felt about myself I would give myself glowing recommendations. I think I'm honest about my strength, weaknesses, and flaws. But this doesn't make the anxiety about others perceptions any better.
Over the years I've gathered bits and pieces of what I can from what others would say about me on their first (second, third) impressions. It's a bit amusing, and I'm kind of wondering if you all agree with this depiction of myself.
- in high school a boy broke up with me because I was "too bubbly" this was not his real reason, but the one he gave me. I am since glad that relationship did not last very long.
- a friend I knew through band festivals in high school once told me that he thought I was intimidating for guys because I was so confident about myself and (especially high school guys) people were not use to that.
- a college professor told me in conversation about discussions inside and outside of the classroom that sometimes I'm right on, and some times I say things that are very irrelevant.
- during recruiting for my sorority in college a sister said that when she was going through recruitment she thought I was scary.
- several people have told me that they thought that I hated them before they go to know me.
So I don't know. Honestly, I think I'm too much to handle for some people. I'm a people person (with insecurity issues, I know right!), I'm energetic and I tell it like it is. I don't have a problem with being honest, and sometimes I over share.
As I'm trying to pull my life into some kind of academic, professional, future order how I present myself is going to become important to me. Mostly I would like to form a career upon being me and assisting organizations and individuals in the things that I am passionate about. Tell me what your perception of me is... for real, go ahead, click the comment button. I think I'm awesome so you won't hurt my feelings. :)
