Yoga

So, I can't believe I haven't written about this yet, but I guess that's just the way things are.  

I've been practicing yoga for several months now.  It is one of the best experiences of my life, the fitness aspect as well as the life, body, mind centering that it brings.  I practice at a studio just a few blocks from where I live called Grow Yoga.  I just finished the first 8 week beginner Hatha series.  Of course I did not participate in all 8 weeks, because of my condition I missed out on 3 of them, but hope to continue going on Tuesday mornings.

I've become stronger after the sedentary life I had been living because of my condition.  I am also more flexible than I have ever been.  Which just blows my mind.  The benefits yoga has brought to my life are innumerable.

I will say this about the practice of yoga:

• No matter what your religious or spiritual beliefs are, for at least a few moments during your practice you can become centered on that one thing that holds your life together.  
• You become more aware of yourself, both in how your body moves and how your mind works. 
•  You can come to each practice moving only in the way your body will allow you.  This is most important for me, because of all the chronic pain and fatigue I experience.  
• From day to day you may not know what your abilities are going to be, but you can always participate in the practice of yoga as your body allows you to move in only comfortable non-harmful ways.
  

Because I am a new yogi on this journey I am not going to recommend any specific practice or style that may be better than another.  I am not going to tell you to go out and spend money on any one particular book or DVD.  But I do want to encourage you, if you feel that your body could use some movement and you can't find the one thing that works for you, seek out a yoga class.  Hatha yoga is perfect for beginners.  Be careful of classes that claim to be power yoga or hot yoga, while these are valid practices, if you have any kind of chronic condition that causes pain, weakness or fatigue, they would not be helpful classes for you. 

Don't be afraid to ask questions before you take a class, meet the instructor, make sure they know your specific needs.  If a particular instructor is not willing to listen about your limitations, then move on and find someone new.  This is not advice just for those of us in chronic pain, but everyone.  You need to find what works for you and not just what happens to be the biggest or most popular class.  

You will not master all poses immediately, but you may find that some things come more easy than others.  Work on those, but also challenge yourself into poses that give you problems.  I have benefited from working my body in as many directions as possible.  I have better posture, and I feel healthier from it.  

Because of the benefits I have received from yoga as a person in chronic pain, I've launched on a quest to learn all I can about the practice of yoga, and I would like to train to become a teacher specializing in helping those in chronic pain.  This isn't going to take place immediately as the amount of knowledge to be acquired by a yoga instructor is vast, and I do not want to rush my study because I want to enjoy the journey, and hopefully bring my experiences to help others like me.

As for what other paths I will be taking in the future, they are still unknown, but I trust they will be revealed in time.  In yoga we end with the word Namaste, meaning "the light in me honors the light in you."  This warrants it's own post in itself relating to my experiences in India.  But for now I will just finish this post with Namaste.

Video: Compost

Productivity

Productivity is something that I have constantly struggled with throughout this illness...  I want to be out there, doing SOMETHING.  Fryer Drew gave me a book in December called Being Well When We're Ill : Wholeness and Hope in Spite of Infirmity by Marva J. Dawn.  I've been enjoying the book and have gotten a lot out of it.

This morning I finished the chapter about Unproductivity -- The Mysterious Workings of God.  It spoke to what I've been feeling all along about wanting to be able to do all the things I was doing before.  There were a few parts that I found particularly helpful in processing my feelings about this. 

It seems therefore that the tendency aroused in us by our society to demand productivity from ourselves is coupled with our own deep desire to do what we have loved in the past.  Thus, we feel both guilt and an absence of pleaser and think (mistakenly) that we should somehow make ourselves capable of accomplishing things again. (pg. 133)

Yes!  This is exactly how I am feeling. 

She goes on further to discuss about knowing that we are accepted and loved by God.  She recalls the story of Martha and Mary and encourages us to replace Martha's name with our own in Luke 10: 41-42.  Which would read "Chrissy, Chrissy you are worried and distracted by many things; there is need for only one thing.  Mary has chosen the better part, which will not be taken away from her."

Reading this chapter was exactly what I needed today as I have been flaring over the last three or four days and have accomplished nothing.  Thanks Fryer Drew.

Being Well When We're Ill was published by Augsburg Books and can be found online.

Neti Pot

Here is a video I made about the Neti Pot.  The process shown in the video is done once through each nostril.

Disability

I'm in the process of appealing my denial of Social Security Disability.  I struggle every day with the fact that I even have to utter the word.  I feel some how inferior to everyone else.  I ask the questions: What if I really can do more than I am doing?  What if I'm just lazy?

I also fear judgment from other people, people who might see me as lazy or a slacker.

There are days when I consider calling my lawyer and canceling the whole thing.  And then there are days like today that remind me why I started the process in the first place.  This week was a pretty good week, I've been content with my level of activity, I've had some enjoyment in my life, but I've also struggled a little.  A good level of activity means I left the house three times this week, yeah not all that much to write home about, but I felt good.  My main struggle is fatigue, and I'm constantly trying new things to combat this.  Yesterday, I was absolutely exhausted.  I just couldn't shake it.  I got a fever in the early evening and just felt like I was starting to get sick.  I should have known what was coming then.  About 12:30 my entire body started to ache.  And then it started to send searing pain down my legs and arms when I moved.  My back has been sore for weeks and it's about 10 times as bad now.

This morning, when I woke up, I could barely stand.  It's hard for me to walk to the bathroom.  My apartment measures about 600 square feet in its entirety, so the bathroom is not that far away.  I fluffed my pillows, had Ryan scramble me some eggs for extra protein and settled in for a pain filled day.  Then, I was glad that I had filled out the medical releases for the lawyer last night.  Because right now, working, school, general responsibility in life is not an option.

There are days I hate myself for this.  I know I didn't do anything wrong.  But it just SUCKS, that's all I can really say.  I'm an active woman inside, and I just wish my outside could represent that.  Now I'm crying... well, I think I just needed to get that out.  To let you know of my struggles, both physically and mentally when it comes to living life.